Happy Birthday Satan

So yesterday was 6/6/06... As in 666.... As in the number of the beast.

THE DAY OF DESTRUCTION!
SATAN'S B-DAY!
Big, Bad, and S-C-A-R-Y! Right? Right?!... WRONG.

I was expecting a little excitement. Some flaming stuff or devil horned goth people howling at the moon or something. But the day pretty much came and went without a peep.I even took a trot over to the Church of Satan's 1st High Mass Ceremony at the Steve Allen Theater in search of some excitement. If the gates of hell were gonna open, I at least wanted to be there to witness it first hand. But it was closed to the public and supposedly "sold out" (how wild can you be with prepaid tickets?), and aside from the occassional "Hail Satan!" cries from inside it the smallish theater it seemed a little tame. My retired Armenian neighbors have thrown parties with more hell and damnation involved.

I'm guessing Satan went out for drinks last night and spent all day on the pooper with a bad hangover. Either that or he's a horrible procrastinator. I mean I'm sure he's known all about this big deal 6/6/06 for a pretty long time. What happened, buddy? Don't perform well under pressure? You should be ashamed of yourself. What kind of evil demon are you if you can't even throw a good party? I suggest you start planning for 6.6.60 immediately. Get yourself a subscription to "Martha Stewart Living" and bone up on how it's done.