Relentless hatred of KFC found to be more emotionally lucrative than hating oneself!

Hey folks, I totally dropped the ball on the whole self hatred thing today when I remembered how awesome I am. I mean even when I'm not awesome, I'm still pretty "Hell yeah!", if you know what I mean. That is the good news. The bad news is that I have to find something else to hate instead. I mean hatred doesn't just disappear, it changes, you know like water...

But whom or what to hate, that is the question...?

I knew whatever it was, it MUST meet the following criteria:

a) Someone or something that would not beat me up.

b) It has to be easy for me to hate relentlessly when needed, but just as easy for me to blow off when neccessary. You know, in case I need to get stuff done. (Also nothing complicated and frustrating like "the goverment" or "pharmecutical companies", which I already hate in most ways, but I could become too emotionally invested in)

and

c) They or it must be easy to reach. (No overseas or long distance calls can be involved. I'm working on a budget of limited cellular minutes at best)

That is why I have decided to love myself and start hating....

Kentucky Fried Chicken!

Why KFC you ask? Mostly because I barely like it anyways, and it's within walking distance. And clearly they meet the criteria. NO ONE at KFC is going to beat me up. They're at work. They could get sued for that. And Colonel Sanders is as dead as a doornail. He couldn't beat up a spec of dust! Not to mention they deserve the hatred far more than I. I mean I'm pretty nice. I don't have any fictional high-ranking commissioned military officers, alive OR dead, as the figurehead of my comedy, trying to push people around, do I? No! I mean who do those guys think they are anyways?!

Now I'm fairly new to hating restaurant chains, but I think I've already made progress! Today alone I managed to develop a moderate dislike for the tacky red and white color scheme. Top that off with the fact that for a brief while in 2004, "Kentucky Fried Chicken" tried passing themselves off as "Kitchen Fresh Chicken" which no one ever seems to remember, and which has NEVER sat well with me, and add to it that whole weird story that was passed around a few years ago about them frying fingers or chicken heads or something, and I think I'm gonna have noooo problem developing a relentless hatred for KFC. This pleases me.