God's first blog. By God! (MORE new details uncovered 9/7/06)

This is an ancient blog written by God. I found it underneath a bunch of stuff in my living room.

Note: Since God's First Blog was oringinally posted here on 7/17/06, a few details have been uncovered by the curators in charge of the restoration! Those small, BUT EXCITING details, were made to Days 3, 4 and 7 and are reflected in the reproduction below.

This reproduction of "God's First Blog" is worth a pretty penny, but if you still have a copy the first reproduction of "God's First Blog" it is worth a pretty penny less. And they are out of print. All copies of that edition of the reproduction have since been destroyed or given to inner city children. We regret any inconvenience this may cause those of you that will no longer be able to afford this addition of the original reproduction. However the restoration society would appreciate any kudos or comments you may have left for the previous addition, just for posterity's sake.

FYI The retail value of "God's First Blog," since it's excavation from under some stuff in my living room, has an estimated retail value of $567, google dollars! (That's not 567 search engine dollars, a google is a 1 followed by a hundred zeroes, for those of you who went to public school. That's alotta lotto tickets!!) But more on that later. It's not about the money.





God's First Blog.

by God

Day 1

Bored as all get out, so I decided to make something. It's important to keep busy. Anyways, created Earth (got the name from the band "Earth Wind and Fire." I know they don't exist yet, but I can't help it, I love those guys!) and a place called Heaven (named after my favorite future StarTrek Voyager Episode).

Gonna use Heaven for entertaining or maybe a master bedroom. Not sure what to do with Earth. Maybe a guest house?

Also called the power company.(Was on hold forever of course) Couldn't
believe the electric wasn't on yet. I scheduled a hook up weeks ago! Had to speak to the supervisor to get the freakin lights turned on. It was pretty much bullshit. Took a nap afterwards.

Day 2


Started a garden for the guest house.
Lots of green in the color scheme. Doesn't look half bad.

Day 3

Put some lights up. Made a nightlight outta cheese, it's pretty trippy. The bulb in the daylight's a little bright, but nobody's perfect, so I just said let it be. Who cares as long as it's not that fluorescent crap we have at the office.

Day 4


Got started on the aquarium. All those filters. Salt water, fresh water...It was sort of a pain in the ass. And it cost a fortune!

Day 5


Just for fun made a cow today. Spent a few hours cowtipping. Hilarious. Created two people to take care of the grounds after that. Almost screwed it up because I didn't have enough ingrediants. Had to take apart the first guy to help build the second one. Didn't have enough to make him a penis though. Maybe he won't notice.

Oh and then those jerks ate the cow. Whatever. I just made another one. Anyways the place is almost done I guess. Time to hit the sack.

Day 6

Not sure those two people can handle the whole place by themselves, they're a little on the dumb side. Anyways pretty sure they're catholic, so I should have an entire staff in no time if you know what I mean. Partied pretty hard afterwards.

Day 7


Finished Earth today and I am exhausted. Also still hung over from last night. I needed a day off. Called in sick. Slept most of the day. Pretty sure Earth was a bad idea. Whatever. I guess I can fix it in post.