AN OPEN LETTER TO THE RANDOM DREGS OF SOCIETY

ATTENTION RANDOM DREGS of SOCIETY:

I hoped that we would cross paths less frequently, but seeing as how that is not always the case, I would like to inform you of my new policies...

From now on if you decide to shout loud, incoherent, half-sentences while I am performing stand up comedy at a local bar, club or other venue I will invite you onstage. Where you will then be told to sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

If after returning to your seat, you sit (or fall) back down, and proceed to loudly answer rhetorical questions that I may pose, I will grudgingly provide you with a brief, introductory lecture on basic english sentence structure. Because however pathetic it may be, I do understand that our public education system is crap. And that you may not have received such a rudimentary lesson in elementary or junior highschool. But I would advise you to listen carefully, because this short lesson may be followed by a pop quiz!

If instead you decide to continue this behavior, then that's it; HEADS ON THE DESK. For EVERYONE. And you know what that means, don't you? That's right. Someone will beat the shit out of you at lunch. And then it's out of my hands.

Formerly yours,

Erica Doering